Do you Read…or Scan…

I’m a scanner…when I read, the faster the better…who needs those pesky words like…the, this, that, those, is, a…if I can scan it I can know it…The past few weeks I’ve realized that I am just scanning through life…How quickly can I check my E-mail?It has been a whole five minutes since the last time I checked it why don’t I have something new?When is the mail going to get here?ok the mail is here I’ve ripped it open, what is next?Who has updated their Facebook page?Why do I care?Let me just flip through this magazine and look at the pictures, instead of actually reading the articles.Ok…I’m bored…now what?Seven nights of solitary work…I’m always looking for the next little fix…always wondering why I’m awake when there is nothing happening…no communication, no productivity, no life..and it has become very unsatisfying…very frustrating…it is easy to give up when you feel like you have voiced what you need and it never seems to come…it is disheartening when you feel like God is not listening to the desires of your heart…It is also the perfect environment for depression to make a home…slowly that pesky D moves in little by little by little until it is nice and comfy at home in my spirit…I’m not really sure where I am going with these thoughts…but they are a start…I need to stop scanning through life and start really experiencing/reading it…but I need help…what are your thoughts?I’m so tired…physically…and mentally…right now I can’t imagine feeling differently…