Asked & Answered: Welcome to Holland…

“Any advice for parents dealing with children with disabilities. I struggle with this as my youngest son has had several surgeries, procedures and appointments for his club feet. Its ongoing and I feel like it consumes me mentally physically and emotionally at times… like I take on the burden for my child you know. Also think it affects my other son the most because he see’s me spending a lot of time with his brother.”

Jamie,

ALL parents can relate to the feelings you are having…not being a parent, the love and worry that comes from being a parent is only something I can compare to my love for my niece and nephew which pales to the love of a parent…

First let me encourage you in that kids are resilient, like REALLY resilient…with the love and consistency of the adults in his life he will be able to overcome anything…it just may not look like what you expect…

The child that you anticipated when you were pregnant (healthy, happy, the world’s idea of perfect) is different than the child you have now…and while you would never trade your child for another, you have to reconcile the anticipated with the reality…and I think that the importance of speaking your struggles to others can’t be over estimated…it is in the silence of struggling that isolation happens…

Are you connected with other mothers that you can talk to? Do you share your concerns or do you keep quiet about them because you feel like you have to be ‘strong’?

Your other son might be feeling like he doesn’t get as much attention and that is OK…because he isn’t getting as much attention…the best way to address that is just to call it what it is…tell your son “I know ‘Jack’ gets a lot of mommy’s attention when we have to go to the doctor, if you ever feel sad come to mommy and let me know, and I promise to give you special time that day.”

You could also include him; he could be in charge of getting the bag ready for the doctors appointments, if physical or occupational therapy is needed he can be incorporated in that, and really any little thing you can think of…most kids want to be helpers, they LOVE being needed, and the smallest thing if rewarded with a hug and uplifting words, they will be proud to have contributed…

Try not to live in the future…it is easier said than done, I know…I have seen parents who are scared about their kid being made fun of in middle school…or how their struggles now will effect their ability to get a job, or live, when they are an adult…

LIVE IN THE PRESENT because it IS the GIFT…

give them your full attention RIGHT NOW, and leave the rest for another day…you may never have to deal with all the WHAT IFs, so why go through the worst case scenarios in your head if they may never happen…

I hope that this has helped you in some small way…if you take anything away from this please let it be that you need community…those around who will listen when you are overwhelmed, share their stories with you, and support you when you are tired…

Of this I am convinced, the more stories I hear, the more people I meet, the idea that there is a normal…a typical…is laughable…we are all in the same boat, and need to scream it from the deck…

Everyone has a story…the challenge is in not allowing it to define the parts of the story that have not yet been written…

Be back Friday for an amazing guest post by a friend from College…she is sharing a story that you will want to share…one of her Gideon, who taught her so much in the 11 months he was given here on earth…