Random Thoughts…

I’m feeling anxious…It is chemo week which always comes with some kind of anxiety…but this week there is more…This morning I am getting a CT scan of my chest/abdomen and Thursday morning I am getting another CT scan of my neck…I think maybe I am nervous about getting the results…it is obvious from the outside that the masses in my neck have shrank considerably but who knows what is going on inside…Friday morning before chemo I have an appointment with the doctor and am assuming I will get the results of these scans then…I’m also working this week (Mon-Thurs) and am becoming more discontented by the hour…yesterday, for the first time in a year I looked at the want ads in the paper…there were only like 10 and either I did not qualify or they would be a lateral move…I don’t want to change jobs until I am done with chemo so I guess I have some time to figure out what I can do…I have an idea of what I want to do, but wanting to, and being able to do something are two different things…I can’t get a job that is not available…I need some motivation!Cause I got nuthin’