“If you wanna be somebody…if you wanna go somewhere…you better wake-up and pay attention…” –Sister Act III love that movie! I would rewind and play the end song over and over again…good memories…I woke up this morning realizing I’ve been letting the cancer win…Honestly, I’ve wished it to win, the uncertainty of test results, and what that means for my life has been a bit too much…to deal, I’ve gone into my safe place…the shell that protects me…my house, my room, my bed…So, today I am going to TRY…at least I think I’m going to try…it is only 8:30 in the morning…The plan is to go to a children’s bible quiz at church…to get a blood transfusion (where someone is coming to hang out with me)…and well I don’t know what else…but I’m going to TRY…and that is going to start with taking a shower and making my bed Robin said…You can do it! Yep! I know you can! Have a good day!JoyAnne said…Looks like you got your fight back! GO APRIL!!
This afternoon at 3:00 I have my first radiation treatment…this first treatment will be the longest because I never went back in and got the tattoos so they will have to spend some time finding the exact right spot to aim the radiation…I think as long as I go into it knowing it is going to be a longer process (at least 30 min or more) then I will better be able to get through it…but I will always hate having to be bare chested laying on a hard table with my hands above my head while people line me up like a deer in a scope to be poisoned…I am praying that the next 17 treatments go smoothly and that my skin does not get too red, I do not want to have to stop treatment in the middle because my skin is getting too sensitive…I want this all to be OVER before the new year…I want to go into 2011 completely in remission with no more treatments scheduled…I want my hemolysis stuff to be resolved and I want to not have the hospital be a regular (you know WEEKLY) stop on the route that has become my life…these …Read more
Someday…Some great wonderful day…When the sun is shining,flowers are blooming,little bunny rabbits are skipping merrily,squirrels are scampering up trees,and unicorns are spreading magic to all,while beautiful music plays in the background…that day…on that magical day…Iwillbeableto againuseTHIS…my hairbrush…I miss you friend… Amy said…What a sweet post, April! I can’t wait until you can do that!
I totally forgot to write about last week’s doctors visits…*#1. Dr. R…radiology oncologist…I talked to her about the pros and cons of consenting to the radiation treatments…cons; it is EVERYDAY, a couple of weeks into it my throat will feel like food is sticking, my neck and chest may get red (which will result in stopping treatments for a while), there is an increased chance of getting breast cancer, fatigue, and aches in the neck…pros; killing what (if any) cancer that is still hanging around…most (if not all) of these are no more severe than the effects of chemotherapy…actually most of them are much less severe…so in the interest in being practical I will start radiation treatments next Tuesday (November 30th)…*#2. Dr. M…oncologist…we just discussed my bloodwork…it seems to be getting somewhat better…he decreased my steroids by half (which is exciting)…but he was very clear to say that he does not thing we are done with this whole hemolysis thing…so we wait…I continue to get regular bloodwork, and have appointments with him every other week…*I’m nervous about starting radiation…I think that is why I have been a little jittery, anxious all week…yesterday after work it took me FOREVER to get tired and …Read more