Salt and Light

First off can I just say that tonight at work was MUCH better than last night…only two more hours until I am off…until 11 a.m., that is, when I have to come back for a training (which I hope won’t last too long)… My oncologist appointment is at 9:30, if you have read my blog for long you know that I like to prepare for the worst so I can be happy with the best…and I can’t get it out of my head that the cancer is back, I weighed myself yesterday and I have lost over a pound in the last couple of weeks…I know that is nothing but I have been eating like a pig all week, I have indulged my every craving (for chocolate, fast food, soda) because I was on my period and cranky…weight loss is a symptom so my brain automatically went to the lymphoma being back…mom said that maybe I am still not eating as much as I used to even though I feel like I pigged out this week…and maybe she is right…but I can not tell you how many times I have googled the symptoms of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma…I just need this appointment …Read more


Thursday night at work I was determined to shut off Netflix, and spend the last hour reading the Sermon on the Mount and attempting to pray… you see, I’ve been lost spiritually for a while…maybe stuck would be the more accurate descriptive…being lost would imply that I have been searching for something I can’t seem to find, or going the wrong way… I still listen to 99% Christian music when I am in the car…I still have the morals and convictions that I have ago branded onto my heart…and I could still hear Jesus calling to me…in the morning when I would wake up, or right before something impatient or hurtful would fly out my mouth…I could still hear him when I was quick to judge and contemplating the consequences of being spiteful…maybe the last year has hardened me a bit…never knowing what life changes a doctors appointment could bring, or how debilitating this chemo treatment will be, made it hard to feel safe…a lot of hurt physically and relationally happened…I am still recovering physically, I feel stronger, I have more endurance, and my hair is getting fuller by the day…relationally I am still really guarded, the hurts from this …Read more

Medical Update

I went to see my normal Doctor yesterday afternoon, he wanted to see me after I was done with chemo, to discuss weight loss options and to manage my non-cancer medication…I have to tell you that I love him, he came in the room sat down and made me feel really comfortable, non rushed, and talked to me in a casual way (even admitting that he goes on Prozac every winter because of the weather ect, that kind of realness will always win me over)…This was only my second time seeing him but I felt like he was competent and his presence made me confident in what he recommends…all along he has been getting my blood work and test results and somehow knew I was having itching issues…he seems like a guy who will admit he doesn’t know something but will find out…I’ve been told by more than one person that he really cares about his patient’s care and I’m lucky to have him as my doctor…oh, yeah he also said that my itching could be because of the problems I’m having with my red blood cells…something about them bursting and coming to the surface (that could totally NOT be …Read more

‘Don’t Waste the Pain’ a book review…

Don’t Waste the Painwritten by: David Lyons and Linda Lyons Richardson I had the privilege to read and review this book…I think self-help and books that talk about someone’s suffering and pain can only be one of three things…#1. painful to read…#2. clichéd and cheesy…or#3. well written, relevant, and inspiring…*This book absolutely lands under #3…both authors are very acquainted to pain…David, just recently lost his son to a very aggressive hard to treat cancer and his sister Linda, has been living with cancer for 9 years…their perspective, encouragement, and through this book was invaluable to me…*I was reading this book shortly after I was done with chemotherapy treatments and was having some issues with my blood…I was discouraged that things just kept dragging on, and I carted this book with me to work and doctors appointments soaking in all I could…*Had I read this before getting cancer and going through the last year I am not sure ‘Don’t Waste the Pain’ would have had the same effect on me…I am not sure I would have totally believed all they were saying…but it is all true, and put into a biblical perspective…showing you how Jesus is with you every step, even when you …Read more