Not Done…

Yesterday I got some unexpected news… Wednesday : I went to the cancer center to get blood work and my port accessed for my CT scan that afternoon and for an hour we had to work on getting blood from the port…it just was not cooperating, no matter how I laid, stood, or moved my arm…after my CT scan I went back up to the cancer center to get my blood work results…which showed that my red blood cell count was low and the doctor recommended getting a blood transfusion…so Wednesday night at 7:30 I started the transfusion and hung out at the hospital until 2:00 in the morning… Thursday : I had a doctors appointment at 2 p.m. I came at 1:45 and was told that the CT scan from the day before did not go high enough so it had to be redone…JOY…once that was over I waited for the doctor and was not prepared to hear what he had to say…apparently the PET scan I had last week showed “activity” in my spleen…which means two more chemotherapy treatments…followed by the radiation that WAS scheduled to start next week (it will have to wait until around a month after the 8th chemo, I’ll have my 7th on Sept 10th and 8th on October 1st)…I felt a bit ambushed…I wasn’t prepared to hear that…just as I’m not prepared to have to be out the income from the days of work I will miss from the chemo side effects (it adds up to almost a full check for two treatments…I’ve been doing this for the last five months and it is getting old)…I, just two weeks ago, made a budget in anticipation of FINALLY being able to now work full time…FRUSTRATING!I’m not prepared to be bald longer…I’m not prepared to be sick (with side effects) for two months longer than anticipated…and I’m not prepared to have my life controlled by appointments and treatments for this much longer…Radiation is a super precise process…during my mapping CT scan I was marked on with a sharpie and stickers were put on me so that when I went to get the actual radiation they could line me up and only treat the sections deemed necessary by the radiation oncologist…since radiation will not start for a few months they suggested that I get tattooed where the marks are so that the CT scan doesn’t have to be done again…this isn’t just tattooed in the sense of a permanent marker that will eventually wash off, it is tattooed like permanent dots (one just under each armpit, and one on my chest)…now, mind you it is a very small mark…but when asked right AFTER being told you have to get more chemo than anticipated is a bit overwhelming…I’m not sure I want permanent reminders of this time…no matter how small…The past two weeks Satan has really been using the silence in my life to mess with me, and how I feel about my life…so if you think of me or drive past my house or where I work in the name of Jesus ban him from my life…

Transparent Mama said…Oh April. I had no idea. I have been away from the blogging world. Hugs to you girl and a big, fat prayer going up for you smacking the enemy right down.JoyAnne said…Oh no, terrible news. I just keep thinking something good will come out of this.4smartmonkeys said…Oh Sweetie, what a bummer. I know you’ll pull through this with flying colors. Hugs!