I have a new DO…or is it UN-do?

Last night mom shaved my head…The last couple of days have been really rough…I think I am finally absorbing the gravity of what is going on physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually, and whatever other allys there might be…It felt good to cry, or, you know, hyperventilate…take your pick…ever wanna curl up in a ball and disappear for a while, or want your pet to be the one to pet you? I’m sobbing in bed and Little Bit finds my hand and demands I pet her, cracks me up!Daily there is at least one medical bill in the mail…today it was like four…and the problem with medical bills is that they aren’t just for 15 or 30 dollars…no they are for 250 here, 700 there, another 1200 over there…even knowing things are being worked out and I shouldn’t be as worried as I am…it doesn’t make those HUGE amounts any less stressful…I called Medicaid and they have mailed me some releases to get information from the doctors, I will fax those back Monday, who knows how long things will take once they are in their hands…I spent about two hours on the internet trying to figure out why everyone seems to think I will qualify (I don’t think so, but that is the pessimist in me) I kind of get it, but the problem with government is that everything is SO VAUGE…and there are SO many different programs, why would they want to make anything clear cut? That would be CRAZY TALK!deep breathTonight will be the official debut of my new UN-do…our church is having a ladies dinner tonight and I can go because it is before I have to go to work…that is why we shaved it last night so that I had a day to acclimate…O.K., o.k., o.k…I know you wanna see it, so I will share, there is no reason to hide…this will be my reality for at least the next nine months or so…Here I am in my scarf, we only have one that is pre-made, mom is going to sew the edges of the fabric I shared a couple of posts ago, and my hats should be here the middle of next week…the pictures aren’t the greatest, I took them in the bathroom at work doing the best I could…TANGET: Did I tell you the great deal the seller gave me on the hats? All six of them for 24 dollars…it would have cost me more than that for one hat on the other site I was looking at…I just have to have faith they will fit and look good..but that is a chance you take ordering anything off the internet eh? and…here I am naked… Are you ready? I might have to learn how to rock the androgynous chic look…maybe I will invent it?When I told one of my co-workers I was going to shave my hair last night, she said that I was brave…I wanted to scream…brave is not THIS! The word brave connotes a measure of choosing…and…I did not choose to have cancer, I did not choose to feel like crap after chemo, and I did not choose to lose my hair…I COULD however choose how I lost my hair…I may be having some weak moments right now…but I will NOT be a victim…and this blog will not become all about cancer, the immediate future of this blog will probably be cancer focused but as I get into my new NORMAL…I will find other things to post about…I promise…

Moowee said…You look beautiful without your hair. Hats, scarves or just plain ‘ol bald – ROCK IT!Amy {Design Intervention} said…You still look cute April!! Praying for you!William & Norma said…YOUR HAIR LOSS DID NOT CHANGE THE BEAUTY OF YOU AT ALL!!!Anonymous said…Rock that look, darlin’!!!! It looks good on you. See, I knew you had a great head for the un-do. Love ya! Jeri AnnJoyce said…Girl, forget the hats and scarves, you look great without hair! You’re in my prayers!Robin said…Beautiful on the inside and out! You go, girl! Thinking of you always….sending good energies and uplifting prayers daily.Love to you!Robynn’s Ravings said…You have, hands down, the best attitude I have ever seen, April. Hair ain’t gonna define YOU, as IF it could. LOVE IT!Rachel said…You are beautiful.