I got nuthin’

I have been Cranky for DAYS now and I’d like to be April again…I’m pretty sure that 60% of it is caused by being a women…(boys that read this blog skip the next few sentences) I started my period yesterday so I should be expecting better moods ANY time now…That time of the month is not so bad for me…it only lasts 3 days, and I don’t get cramps that are too terribly painful…HOWEVER, my period literally SUCKS THE LIFE out of me…and I am only being a little dramatic…the days before and during I am exhausted and could sleep all day, all day, all day…this of course only works on my weeks off…this week I just have to suck it up…I don’t like being Cranky…especially because I know I am being Cranky and then I find myself feeling bad AND being Cranky…I am sarcastic, short-tempered, and impatient…mostly I just try to be silent, that eliminates the likelihood of saying something I don’t really mean…I don’t like who I am when I am Cranky…I am usually not Cranky for this many days in a row and I am tired of it…I just took some extra Effexor, I am prescribed 150 a day and only take 100 with the 50 extra for when I am having a time of increased anxiety…I’ve not taken extra in MONTHS so I don’t feel bad…I’m also still really itchy which is making my crankiness more acute and making my quality of sleep well, not so quality…the medication the doctor gave me for the itchiness is supposed to be taken 3 times a day and I am NOT good at taking medication 3 times a day…so needless to say it is not so much working…there are only 5 more radiation treatments for me! two more this week, today and Thursday, and three more next week…I am BEYOND ready to be done…you have no idea…and I very much hate having to wake up from a sound sleep to go be poisoned and then make it back home just in time to ‘relax a bit’ (or let’s face it go back to sleep) before work…I’m just hoping I can finish these five without my throat acting up again…it is still sore but not so much I can’t swallow…There was an idea I was hoping would happen next week, an idea I need more than can be put into words…it is not going to happen and it is not going to happen because of these damn treatments and I’m angry, I’m angry… disappointed…and since it is nobody’s fault…I don’t have anyone to put my anger on…no one to blame…no one to hate…*SIGH*…I want my life back…I’ve got some pretty amazing news to share…news of things that have happened the last few days…news that should make me uncrankified…but alas…I’m here, typing to get SOMETHING out, and not being successful…

Share said…Hope you’re feeling back to your old self again soon. I have been pretty cranky lately too, but I don’t have the valid excuses you do, I’m just cranky.JoyAnne said…Always praying for you April!Your Best Friend said…I’ve had similar symptoms for the last 7 years and I finally found relief by taking a very small dosage of antidepressants 5-7 days before I start and it’s made a world of difference. You’d have to talk to your doctor about it, but my relief over not being psycho woman during that time of the month was well worth asking about it!