“I Have Been Changed for Good…”

I’ve been listening to the Wicked soundtrack…one song in particular has been speaking healing to a sensitive and wounded part of my heart…listen to the song here …or read the words below…

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn

And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return

Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you…

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime

So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend…

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I’ve done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There’s blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

The past few months I have found myself mourning a friendship…one that has been fought for on both sides, neither one possessing the weapons or resources to win the war…it is a lose, lose…

I thought the weapon of victory was love, if you love enough ANY war can be won, and any friendship salvaged…but that isn’t the truth…sometimes it is the better choice to hug at each goodbye knowing that the space between who they have become and who you are becomes bigger with each day…that while seeing each other feels like ‘home’ there is a point where you have to leave home…and you walk away knowing that the time you spent with that person wasn’t ‘wasted’ it wasn’t meaningless, and it won’t be forgotten…

The emotions are primal…the kind that remind you you are alive…

Thankfulness for who I have become because I made a choice to love…because I fought with all I had…and was fought for…

Sadness that something decades in the making may have always been destined for destruction…that there isn’t a winning solution…that six months has passed…that there will never be a ‘resolution.’

Anger that the thing dividing us is controversial and causes me to deal with my grief in the dark because I don’t want to be judged…

So as I type through the tears…I regret nothing…we will live the rest of our lives who we are because we shared the pivotal years…the years where we developed from children to teenagers, one day waking up adults…we saw each other through crisis’ of faith, we prayed together, we laughed together, we cried together, and we lived life together…

Maybe someday I will tell the story…probably not, because it is only half mine to share…and because I was for sure one day it would be a story I could tell of how fundamental differences between people can be overcome by intention, hard work, and love…

today I am thankful for this song, that has provided a weird kind of healing balm to my sore soul I had become so resigned…

Here is the thing I know for sure…the amazing parts of me were formed in part because of this friendship…and that has to be worth it all…

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew them
I have been changed for GOOD