365 Days…
365 days ago… I was scared, unable to comprehend the changes about to happen TO me…
365 days ago… I was thankful for the diagnosis of Non-Hodgkin’s Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma because it meant there was finally a name for what was sucking the life out of me, making it impossible to eat, and almost impossible to breathe…
365 days ago…I was packing for my first EVER hospitalization…
365 days ago…I began a journey that would leave me forever changed…a journey that would tell me a lot about the people in my life…and a journey that would clarify and solidify who I am…
This past year has been hard…I’ve lived the reality of chemotherapy, survived my first time having surgery (one of my bigger fears), and experienced the power of radiation and it’s ability to not only shrink the cancer but scorch the skin, and wreck the taste buds…
I am more patient…
I am more compassionate…
I am more obedient…
and, I am stronger than I could have ever imagined…
I am ALIVE
as my body continues to heal, so does my heart and mind…everyday I remind myself that I can make it, I remind myself that I can do it (whatever it is) because I’ve already made it and I’ve already it done it…
I am not, never was, and cannot allow myself to be defined by having had cancer…
what I can allow myself to do is to live…to live forgiven, to live loved, to live confident, and live life sensitive to those who may need to hear my story…
not to bring attention to me but to bring attention to the one who allowed me to survive, the one who made me strong enough to fight, not only cancer but a whole host of things throughout my life…
I got through none of those things on my own. God lead me through, he did not lead me under so that I was safe from battle, and he did not lead me over in order to watch, but he lead me through…to experience battle, to get wounded and be scarred…coming out the other side cracked but not broken…
and for that I choose to be grateful…
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