20% Less

Still worn down by these things in my neck…although this week has been much better due to the steroids the doctor prescribed…I took the last does yesterday…I did have one very scary episode with not being able to swallow a bite of fish sandwich that left me realizing I need to be A LOT more careful when I am eating especially when I am alone…also I weighed myself after my last post and I have lost 12lbs (without trying) I’ve not lost that much in a month when I AM trying…I think this has been the scariest symptom (not that I don’t like the number I saw, don’t get me wrong)…I kind of feel like if I eat a lot and gain the weight back I will be HEALTHY again :)Tonight I came to work and was told that the state is cutting the agencies budget so they are cutting my shift down from 12 hours to 10 hours a night…That is a loss of 28 hours in a month and approximately 300 dollars a month or 4000 in a year including the times when we would be paid three times in a month (20% of my take home income)…I had/have no idea how to react…I was quite…then I SOBBED…and now I am in deal with it mode…I don’t know when this new schedule starts…The only good thing I can see about this is that just yesterday I made 1000 too much a year for the hospital to guarantee assistance with my medical bills…Today I should MOST DEFINITELY qualify…with the threat of what could be wrong with me coupled with no insurance…qualifying for assistance can only be a good thing…can be the ONLY thing…I am not one to say THIS IS GOD, I will praise him in this trial for this ‘blessing’…I don’t know what this is…I am not the only one in the company loosing 20% of their income…families with new babies, children, and lives to support are getting this news as well, and I am sure feel just as punched in the gut as I…A little over a year ago I was making almost twice as much as I make now and had decent and very affordable health insurance…It has been hard for me the past few weeks not to regret having moved back home…I know I needed to do it (for a lot of reasons…I made more money but I wasn’t managing it well and had gotten in over my head, thus the bankruptcy I went through 8 months ago) I can’t tell you what I would do to be where I am financially (not perfect but more responsible) and back at my old job…It would be perfect (at least in my head)…I don’t feel like I am a person that has a lot of regrets in life…I like learning how NOT to do things or how NOT to live my life or how NOT to treat people…the richness of who I am and how I think is because of those choices…but right now, I feel sorry for myself…I feel like I’ve become one of those people I hate that ALWAYS has something going on…job loss, sickness, family trouble, money trouble, life trouble, car trouble, house trouble, money trouble…I have an idea for a fun post of a few things I’ve found that are OUTRAGEOUS but FUN and something fun to appreciate and dream of…so I promise…for every one sickness, frustrated post I write I will, no matter how short post something positive within the next day to balance it out!*Let me publically remind myself that I need to be “carless in the care of God”…Matthew 6:26…Matthew 6:26…Matthew 6:26…Matthew 6:26…Matthew 6:26…Matthew 6:26…Matthew 6:26…Matthew 6:26…Matthew 6:26…Matthew 6:26…