Weak…

Yesterday I finished my 2nd prescription of steroids…and today I am feeling the effects…a few days ago, I forgot to take a dose of the medicine and had a really scary time of not being able to stand and feeling really weak like I was going to faint…once I took the missed dosage I felt better and was OK for the next couple of days…Last night I took the last pill and today found me feeling weak, sore, and my neck feeling HUGE, hard, and tight (which doesn’t help breathing and swallowing)…sleeping today was sporadic, and I was ever aware of not feeling well…I’ve never felt this weak before, this evening, I had to get out in the middle of my shower because I couldn’t stand up…I feel like there is something really wrong, and as much as I am ready for surgery on Tuesday, I am not ready to find out what it is…I’m scared…I came to work tonight and am not sure that was the best choice but it isn’t like my job is one you can just NOT show up for…there are men here who can’t take care of themselves and if the person coming in the shift after …Read more

Steroids Part Deux

Only one more week until surgery…I am ready. Ready because even after the surgery is completed we still have to wait for results. Ready because not being able to swallow or breathe right has been emotionally and physically draining. Ready because I am tired of seeing the effects of this thing taking over my body. And ready because I am annoyed at being ever aware of my neck whether it is aching, or sore, or in my way when I try to turn my head, or it feels like it is cutting off circulation…there is always something going on that never lets me forget it is RIGHT HERE!Above is a picture of me around December of last year and one I took last night. All that, what looks like swelling, is masses inside my neck. The front (neck area) is growth from just last week.For the most part I’m o.k. other than being really tired (which has become the norm) and the above mentioned difficulty swallowing. I spent most of Easter dinner in the bathroom because I just couldn’t eat. I have found myself hungry more often than I ever have been before. Last Wednesday I walked to church, it …Read more

One Mountain Moved…

While listening to ‘gospel hour’ on the way to work one of my favorite songs came on…Mountain Get Out of My Way…I included a short video clip at the end of this post from youtube.com of the song.I smiled, because yesterday found one of my mountains moved. Before I went to work mom gave me a card that was given to her that was given anonymously to someone else (follow that?). Inside was three hundred dollars! That coupled with the one hundred someone else gifted me last week and the money I was able to save from my last check all the money the doctor wants for my surgery is PAID IN FULL! Praise the Lord!Now I just need to, suck it up, go into the hospital and speak to their financial department about how much they are going to want up front for the charges the surgery will incur on their end. I will be turning in my application for their financial assistance program, so we will see…I think what I know to be true is that surgery ain’t cheap…and news flash I am still scared of anesthesia and I HATE with a capital H-A-T-E the idea of having to wear a hospital gown …Read more

20% Less

Still worn down by these things in my neck…although this week has been much better due to the steroids the doctor prescribed…I took the last does yesterday…I did have one very scary episode with not being able to swallow a bite of fish sandwich that left me realizing I need to be A LOT more careful when I am eating especially when I am alone…also I weighed myself after my last post and I have lost 12lbs (without trying) I’ve not lost that much in a month when I AM trying…I think this has been the scariest symptom (not that I don’t like the number I saw, don’t get me wrong)…I kind of feel like if I eat a lot and gain the weight back I will be HEALTHY again :)Tonight I came to work and was told that the state is cutting the agencies budget so they are cutting my shift down from 12 hours to 10 hours a night…That is a loss of 28 hours in a month and approximately 300 dollars a month or 4000 in a year including the times when we would be paid three times in a month (20% of my take home income)…I …Read more