Here are a few shots from yesterday… our beautiful trees…leaves changing color daily… blustery seems to describe the weather,and how I felt mentally and physically…it was a chili kind of day so I went to the store to pick up some beans, sauce, and ground beef…between getting to the store, and carrying the groceries in I could not breath…I also had a bit of a breakdown when I wanted to change my sheets and didn’t have the energy…it is so frustrating, day after day, the feelings of inadequacy this cancer brings…inadequacy in not being able to work regularly thus, inadequacy in not being paid regularlyinadequacy in regularly not being able to do ‘normal’ things around the housemake my bed (ie; change the sheets)wash the disheswalk the dogclean the bathroomcookinadequacy in not being able to be emotionally genuine to myself or othersinadequacy in not being able to support others in my life (ie; be the friend I know myself to be)inadequacy in not being the support to my mom I wish to beinadequacy in not always wanting to always get out of bedinadequacy in not having the energy to help in the running of errands or shoppingBut he said to me, …Read more
Tonight I was laying on the couch, thinking about eating dinner and a visitor came to the door asking if I was too tired to come over an play a game…to which I said “NO! I am not too tired to come over and play a game”…I lifted my head from the couch and there she was…JAYME!She is the older sister of one of my closest friends and has become through the years a special friend in my life…she and her husband are missionaries in Portugal and they flew in yesterday for a week long visit state side…There are people in life who are so genuine, that you are safe the second you see them…I am safe with Jayme…always…not sure I can stress what a gift that is… so, I got up, got dressed, and went to her parents house where we ordered pizza, and played the game called The Settlers of Catan…I’ve played it a few times with their family over the years…it is a bit complicated and takes more than one game to get into the groove…your mind has to think differently than with just a card game…but I really enjoy the challenge… I have never eaten pizza from …Read more
(I would like to preface this with the fact that there is some boring Wikipedia facts in here…they are mostly for my benefit…as this is my running log of the goings on of this cancer…feel free to scan through anything that might hurt your head too much to think about…but stick through to the end because that is when I am going share something good the doctor said…)This morning we got up and went to the cancer center for blood work…to kill some time we went to a few thrift stores (cleaned out my trunk, woo hoo!), and came back for my doctors appointment…magically they were very on time which was nice…what I did not expect was that I was going to chemo today…I thought it had been placed on hold for a while, but I was WRONG…so I’m hanging out here in the cancer center getting chemo #8…it is a good thing that mom took the day off, so she was able to bring me lunch and my computer, and will be here shortly to take me back home…I was completely unprepared…I had brought nothing with me to keep me occupied…The verdict?Since starting the high does of steroids on …Read more
So, Monday was interesting…I went in to the cancer center at 7 for blood work to determine if I could get chemo that day…the results came in and my liver enzymes were higher than they were on Friday…Dr. M ordered a more detailed blood test…the results came back, and he decided he wanted to order yet another set of tests and wanted to squeeze in an appointment with me that morning…so, NO chemo was being done that day and I was disappointed…I had a bit of a breakdown…well a big bit of a breakdown, around the time he ordered the third set of blood work…I got the results of the first and was COMPLETELY freaked out by one of the numbers…my LDH is 560 the highest it should be is 190 and the LDH can be an indicator of the cancer being present…I swear I could feel the cancer taking over my body…I know it was all in my head and that the high LDH could be for a number of reasons unrelated to the Lymphoma…but I think it was just time for a breakdown and if you are going to have one, you want to have one in the …Read more
