Detour: The Real Deal…
This was surprisingly difficult to write…I just stared at the screen, and when I began to type it was slow, deliberate, and tears were involved…
You guys, I felt like a fraud…trying so hard to work on my ‘dream’ to help others find freedom from anxiety while I am still dealing with it on a regular basis seems really disingenuous and the last thing I want to do is pretend like once you have learned some coping skills, and decided if you could benefit from medication it is all rainbows and unicorns, because it isn’t…and this week I am going to speak more to that…
Here is the letter I wrote to myself…
To: April
From: AprilToday you are weak…His power is made perfect in your weakness…
When the voices in your head are all talking at the same time and you can’t hear anything but the beating of your heart…remember He who calms the storms…
When your present circumstances overwhelm…He who crafts your future has a planner bigger than your dreams…
The covers and dark room that feel so safe in the morning, and hold onto you…they are a trap…their whispers of comfort are lies…let the light shine in!
cancer did not win…did you hear that? It did not WIN! depression didn’t win, anxiety didn’t win, unemployment will not win, and your student loans aren’t going to win…and if cancer does come back it WON’T win…
everyday, that you take one step closer to providing hope, strength, and resources to help others find the freedom He provides, is a slap in the face to the evil one…
Keep taking care of yourself even if that looks different than ‘the world’s’ busyness…you know your limits, honor them…continue to fight…remember your dream to provide others the permission to find freedom from anxiety and embrace self-care…
You are: insightful, intuitive, kind, artistic, detail oriented, intelligent, talented, loved, a great aunt, a loyal friend, quick witted, funny, blessed with the ability to see past the surface to where the truth lies and challenge set ideas…
Continue to love well, continue to seek the Father’s heart, He promises to be ‘found by you’ when you seek with your whole heart, give it to Him…continue to be obedient to go the direction the Holy Spirit leads even when you don’t understand…the sum of your past is beautiful, it has been placed together to form a unique and beautiful picture that speaks of God’s grace, provision, love, and leading…
read this as needed…
I have been tired, anxious, easily frustrated, impatient, and the one that is the hardest to explain to others is being sensitive to my surroundings…sounds are louder than normal and hurt my ears, order is important and things need to be in their place or I become incredibly anxious…this results in my looking/being difficult when what I really need is someone to say, “I understand that doing things this way is going to make you feel less stressed and I love you enough to do that right now…or “I know you get hypersensitive to sounds and surroundings when you are stressed, how can I make it better?”
I encourage you to write a letter to yourself…you don’t have to share it with anyone but I would love to know how it felt to write it…were you surprised by your reaction? I hope you don’t mind my taking this detour…
Carelessly,
April
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