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As I Held Her I Prayed…

As I held her I prayed

We are 40% funded for “Change in Perspective” bags…click here to see how you can help give hope, and permission to dream for the future to patients receiving chemotherapy…the campaign is open until Nov 24th… Job search update: slow goings here…there are almost no full time positions to apply for…everything is part-time or I get interview, it goes well, and the company tells me “you are over qualified” “you will leave as soon as you find a better paying position” (all jobs are between 8.50-10.00 an hour…I try dissuade that but they have their minds made up before they even talk to me…it feels like I am sinking in quick sand and it is about up to my chin… I am missing my former job and thought I would re-post something that I wrote the first week there…We were in a home with three children and their mother, the home was dirty, there were parenting concerns, and possible allegations of sexual abuse by a former boyfriend toward the children… I heard a little voice say “up”… gladly I lifted her little two year old body into my arms… she held on tight and I started to sway… she played with my necklace, …Read more

Breaking My Own Rules…

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First things first, go and check out my Go Fund Me campaign to celebrate 3 years cancer free and provide bags of hope for the future to chemo patients…just click on the button to the right to check it out… I shared this last night in a Facebook community that has become a safe place for me, full of support, and good friends…I thought I should share it here, since I want this to be a place of honesty…honesty of my struggles and victories with mental health… I’ve been breaking my own rule which reads: “if you are struggling you need to let people know, because Satan wins when we are silent”  And I have been silently struggling for the past two weeks…I have two months of unemployment left before it runs out…the first few months of being unemployed I had such a peace about it all…God had this, I got laid off, I will find something else, and I am willing to wait until that job comes along… Well after almost 4 ½ months of applying for positions, going to interviews, and not being offered jobs for a variety of reasons, the ‘I trust God with this’ has moved …Read more

Leave Nothing Unsaid…

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Celebrate 3 years cancer free with me…check Go Fund Me to see how… One of the books I want to include in the Change of Perspective bags is a workbook titled Leave Nothing Unsaid…it is an incredibly well-done workbook that guides you through how to write a letter letting those in your life know how much they mean to you… I know in my family we don’t speak of such things, there are not “I’m proud of you” “I love you because” “This is my hope for your future” conversations happening…and I don’t think we are that different than other families, these are just things we don’t feel comfortable expressing…The importance of letting those in your life know these things can’t be over-emphasized…it can even be life changing…and it is certainly life breathing… Jody Noland’s dream to guide other’s how to write these important letters to family and friends began after a friend wrote letter’s to his family while he was in the hospital…you can listen to Jody talk about Leave Nothing Unsaid here on Tammy Helfrich’s website…it is well worth the 30 minutes… The following is copied from the Leave Nothing Unsaid website that explains further… Have you ever …Read more

Jumped in…

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This last weekend I was BOLD… Unafraid I drove to Nashville to attend a Pickn’ Party with some friends… I was fine when I arrived at my friend Anna’s house…four of us went to dinner and it was a blast…The trouble came when we arrived at the event and met up with 15 other friends…in the midst of over a 1000 people we were a small group laughing, talking, and learning about each other…as should happen, small groups were formed and people stood in circles talking about life, and work…anxiety/insecurity welled up inside threatening to drown…the first thought was to gain control of the situation…right? this is my first and most honed coping skill, control…I wanted everyone to set their chairs up in a circle and sit down…this would be so much less threatening (TO ME)…thankfully I did not act on my first instinct, I would have looked stupid, and controlling…I knew it was irrational…so I acted on my second instinct…to withdraw…I sat in my lawn chair, practiced breathing techniques…enjoying watching everyone connect, and have fun…when I was ready to try again, I got up and joined in the conversations…I did this several times throughout the night..did I come off nervous? …Read more